The Spoon Theory...

I started this blog to journal my daily life with chronic joint and muscle pain (after 20 yrs of Endometriosis pain and 3 yrs for damaged nerve pain). While I do write about in my Life Blog, I've decided that I need something that I chronicle the "ups and downs" so they are easier to track and share with my medical providers. At this point, no one is really sure what is causing my pain. Fibromyalgia? Thyroid? Auto-Immune? Wheat/Gluten Allergy? We are still trying to figure it out. In the meantime, I have to learn to live a full-life with it. I need to help those around to understand it (as best they can). I have to take medications I wish I didn't. Why did I title this blog "Counting Spoons"? Why am I living from spoon to spoon? It comes from a web site that I found a couple of years ago created by someone who is living with Lupus called But You Don't Look Sick. On this web site she wrote about a conversation with a close friend about what it is like to live with a chronic illness--thus The Spoon Theory was born. If you plan to follow my journal, I beg you to PLEASE read this article. It will give you insight into what it is like to live with chronic pain as well--to understand why some days I just can't get my rear off the couch to do something as simple as pick up around the house. Why some days I just don't want to go out or get dressed. Why some days I just need a hug. Why some days I make a conscious decision to do or not do something in anticipation of "what may come". Living with a chronic illness forces you to live day by day. You do not know what the day holds until you live it. You might wake up just fine one morning and jump in and do the things you've been missing out on. You might not suffer any consequences of this or you might suffer the next day or two. Sadly, no one can predict it--even at the start of the day. You learn to put up with people who assume things b/c they don't understand the invisible pain. Those are the people who think you should "suck it up" and "deal with it". I wish it were so easy to do that. It's not. It's unknown if these ppl will *ever* understand. Because others can't see nor measure what you go through, you are forced to learn to become a good communicator. You are the only one who can describe what you feel and paint a picture for others to see and understand what is going on. Even so your dr.'s can judge what treatment might work best or how to adjust current treatments. You are forced to learn to believe in yourself, b/c some days it's hard for others to believe in you. Unless you deal with a chronic illness, there really is no way for you to truly understand what it is like. Unless you've dealt with a traumatic event, it's hard to comprehend. So somedays, even those who love you dearly, will find it hard to believe in you. At some point, you, your family, and your friends have to come to the realization that not everything as a known cause OR an easy solution. While you come to terms with the fact that you might have to learn how to live with your invisible illness FOREVER. You can let it get you down OR you can learn to co-exist with it while living the best life you can. This blog will be about just that--learning to co-exist with a painfully invisible illness that has not rhyme or reason and has yet to offer a solution.